Archive for the ‘Celebrity’ Category

“Shooter” Is Now a Job Description

Thursday, December 13th, 2012

“I am the shooter!” Oregon mall gunman Jacob Tyler Roberts reportedly shouted as he opened fire. He did so as if he’d just reached the top level of an Xbox game. Roberts wasn’t playing a game, though: his actions were a Schizoid’s demand for attention. But Xbox or no, in his mind, he won.

I figure that at the rate America is crankin’ out these sick, dumb animals, it won’t be long before “Shooter” becomes even more aspirational. Of course, nobody aspires from childhood to kill themselves after spraying a Banana Republic with bullets, nor has any job application yet been written for a Highway Sniper. Yet Roberts wanted us to know he was in charge, if only briefly. Per his announcement, he’d achieved his “be all you can be” moment.

Welcome to the real Tomorrowland, where basic job application categories may soon collide horrifically with the mental distortion of dumbed down America. This is where “shooter” can substitute for “teacher,” “bus driver,” or “dentist,” because gaining notoriety — in this case for shooting up a food court — has essentially become a viable version of the American Dream. (more…)

Robin Hood Drives a Volvo

Wednesday, September 12th, 2012

When all else fails, try populism! 

It isn’t official, but given that the Feds love assigning perp nicknames, authorities could dub four alleged L.A. area bank robbers “the Robin Hood Bandits” any minute now. Everyone else has! Having tossed at least a dozen handfuls of money from their getaway car during a pursuit through South Los Angeles, the designation may stick, too, despite speculation that the tactic was more diversionary than charitable. Video clips show people jumping off sidewalks to grab wafting bills, inevitably blocking police vehicles. If I were to guess, I’d say the bandits knew they were sunk and opted to go out with a good PR move.

Maybe they were returning to their childhood neighborhoods as they circled block after block, money and police trailing behind them. On the other hand, it doesn’t look like they took into account the safety of the people upon whom they were bestowing this grand gesture, and at the end of the pursuit a repeat of Florence and Normandie circa 1992 looked about to erupt – unnerving footage for Anglenos here during the King riots. Will these suspects be charged with additional counts of, say, Mayhem or Disturbing the Peace for starting something that could have turned quite ugly? Or will money out the window endear them to the public — and by extension, to a jury? The pursuit footage has already begun to work its anti-hero magic. (more…)

Awed Portrayal – RIP Gore Vidal, 1925 – 2012

Wednesday, August 1st, 2012

Gore Vidal - Associated Press

“Andy Warhol is the only genius I’ve ever known with an I.Q. of 60” – Gore Vidal

Few writers wrote more conversationally (or were meaner) than Gore Vidal. Of the obituaries I’ve read so far, this one is the most compelling. Reading it, you realize that with the disappearance of delayed gratification, men like this will not be made; prolificacy and achievement at this level isn’t possible.

Vidal was of an era when big-name writers fought each other literally with their fists, often repeatedly and on camera. Oh, what I would give to sprinkle the media with his kind today.

There’s No Excuse for “Sombrero Pope”

Monday, March 26th, 2012

POPE OR PYTHON!?

That poor man!  You’d think Vatikan PR Shocktroops would’ve clubbed anyone coming near the guy with that thing, let alone allow it be placed on his head!  Unbelievable!

Also, considering this guy’s membership in an organization known for ethnic nationalism, one might agree that moments of cutesy pandering that involve the cultural kitsch of the countries where your recruiting drives bring you – is in bad taste. (more…)

Clint Eastwood Is Going to Die Soon

Monday, March 12th, 2012

Good, bad, ugly, and the empty chair too, I love arguing Eastwood

GrrrrrrrEvery few days this realization makes me pause, as if I’d been struck with Déjà vu or forgotten my keys somewhere. As a lifelong Eastwood enthusiast (having winced my way through some of his ‘80s choices only to beam with pride when he came to his senses), I dread his absence – and also his last laugh at leaving us to ourselves. 

Will I know what to do with myself when that day comes? Yeah. But I’ve never lived in a world without with Clint Eastwood – have you?

Every now and then some Eastwood reminder will come my way or I’ll exit my house past  a huge The Good, The Bad and The Ugly poster that hangs by our front door. Not enough space here to list all the reasons I admire the man, but the three that most frequently come to mind are his elderly grace, professionalism, and class. You see, I love ‘im for what he is now because it makes what he was then so much cooler.

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A Grateful Haiti Welcomes Kim Kardashian

Sunday, December 11th, 2011

The celebrated prostitute risks cholera and ridicule for beachside photo ops with fans that live on $1.71 per day. Her bodyguards will eat enough to feed 300 of the children who might otherwise touch the reality television star without warning.

Kim Kardashian's visit to Haiti is expected to empower the Haitian people to buy Kardashian Glamour Tan and Kardashian Beach Bunny SwimWear

I know, I know – why start a conversation about Kim Kardashian at all? Hey, I go where the B.S. takes me.

Kardashian is a myopically self-obsessed individual with a grossly deformed ego and a missing moral compass, and in fact there is currently no better example of a person who’s become a character at the expense of actually earning any.

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To Live and Drive in L.A.

Monday, October 17th, 2011

Source: The Guardian

At first I relished debating the merits and missteps of the indie film Drive far more than I enjoyed the film itself. But thanks to Sarah Deming, the Michigan woman who filed a lawsuit alleging that Drive’s trailer is misleading and the movie’s content anti-Semitic, I now welcome the flick to the crime/car chase genre.  (more…)

From Beat-downs to Bear Hugs

Saturday, October 8th, 2011

My Journey from L.A. County Custody to Sheriff Lee Baca’s Wild World of Wheelin’ and Dealin’

'03 Gold Star AwardsIn 2003 I was hired to write a teleplay for the 2nd Annual California Gold Star Awards: Dedicated to Homeland Security – a Donald Sterling, black-tie, $25,000 per-table fundraiser for the Orange County Reserve Deputy Sheriff’s Association held at the Disneyland Hotel. L.A. County Sheriff Lee Baca was representing, and security for the luminary-laden event was, according to the official press release, listed as “war mode.”

Now for those of you somehow unfamiliar with the billionaire owner of the Los Angeles Clippers, the event’s principal underwriter, Donald Sterling, is one of Southern California’s largest real estate moguls. He’s also routinely accused of flagrant racism, not least of all by the U.S. Department of Justice for his attempts to exclude blacks, Latinos and prospective tenants with children from renting apartments in properties he owns. Even when it appears as though others are honoring him, words like “fake,” “ugly,” and “mirage” have been used to describe Sterling’s garish “philanthropy,” while he himself enjoys a widespread reputation for being miserly, sexist, and self-aggrandizing. (UPDATE: 8/6/14 Well, I guess there’s no question now what the world thinks of the man now, eh?)  (more…)

Why It’s Not “Too Soon” to Mock Amy Winehouse

Tuesday, July 26th, 2011

1. Because it gets people talking about character, codependency and cowardice: By the end of this week everyone will be tired of talking about Amy Winehouse’s death. But until then, get ready for a week of Wino, because dead rock ‘n rollers are sexier than stalemates in Washington and Norwegian gunman. Besides, how can Wino not make us feel better about our own lives?

I’m sure making fun of Wino will piss off the moaners and crybabies something fierce. Good! That’ll get the discourse rolling. For every person who questions her legacy a dozen more defend it, citing the singer’s talent, style, rebelliousness, and online footage of her better performances. When all else fails, out comes the lack-of-compassion card. (more…)

Ryan Dunn Agreed to All that Follows

Tuesday, June 21st, 2011

When Jackass celebrity Ryan Dunn drove his Porsche at speeds above 132 mph, as a public figure he left himself and his actions open to the interpretations of others – millions of others: famous others, fringe others, and others in the news. Everybody. So while few are surprised that Dunn’s toxicology report confirms he was driving while
shit-faced, we should also take it as a given that celebrity man-children will throw their tantrums over comments made about Dunn’s accountability (or lack thereof). (more…)