FILE UNDER: Cosmetic Surgery Martyrdom

The Narcissist Richter Scale doesn’t measure this far off the chart

Blondie Bennet Pic via TwitterBlondie Bennett, a long-obsessed Barbie weirdo from California, is using online hypnotherapy lessons to reduce what she’s being told is her IQ level in hopes of becoming less human, more doll-like, and –if it’s an option– “completely plastic.” She reports she’s “super happy” and that the sessions must be working since she’s becoming “forgetful and brainless.”

These sessions follow body alterations, facial do-overs, and breast enlargement surgeries that rival Lexus dealership up-sells. Bennett wears footwear made for a mule deer and her applied tan looks just like the one Mattel sprays on its signature toy.

She says she’s pleased to be achieving her goal (never mind that doing so may pose future challenges, like forgetting not to brush her teeth with gasoline; her online sugar daddies look out for her). The unemployed Bennett’s many procedures are funded in exchange for one-on-one time (yeesh), webcam antics, surgery footage, and pictures of Bennett wearing Barbie-inspired garments.

But don’t worry, Blondie doesn’t feel exploited. She told an interviewer, “When people ask why I want to be Barbie, I think, ‘Who wouldn’t want to be?’ She has the best life. All she does is shop and make herself look pretty. She doesn’t worry about anything.”

Cosmetic Surgery Bird-Strike_Where Excuses Go to DieFolks, it’s real sad when a wide-eyed goose flies into the spinning blades of a jet engine, but what about the passengers stuck looking at the flameout? And by extension, when a sick, dumb animal like Bennett wanders into Looney Tunes surgeries in hopes of becoming more and more like an inanimate object (with the “best life”), we can’t neglect those left scratching their heads. You know, US! The people gaping at the fireball that was once engine number two! If bird strikes can remind us of life’s unpredictability, cosmetic surgery disasters like this one here scream human fallibility.

The number of icky stories about men don’t equal the countless casualties in the war on women, I know, but readers familiar with this blog know that my goofing on cosmetic surgery martyrdom is as balanced and nondiscriminatory as it is unapologetically judgmental.

Bennett claims to be drug-free, which I found surprising. I’d assumed that reaching this level of kaleidoscopic self-determination-harm would require doctor-shopping from Chicago to Reno. I figured on at least 22 pharma-variants running through her blood. But drugs or no, by her own admission, Bennett’s friends and family aren’t into any of this shit.

BTW, Blondie looks nothing like Barbie. But it’s not like she’ll find honest appraisals by hanging around loiterers at seaside arcades. If anything, like the guy in the video they’ll be elbowing each other out of the way to enjoy her curious brand of WTF.  (Their in-flight counterpart would be those of your seat-mates who tell you how beautiful flames are as your plane enters a death spiral.)

You can say I shouldn’t judge, and you can insist that people are free to do whatever they want with their bodies: I’ll agree to both. But those also sound like the statements of an parasites and enablers, say, like the medical professionals and “special friends” who funded or abandoned Bennett’s off-the-rails self-iamge.

UPDATE:  Okay-then. Upstaging Bennett by a long shot comes Ukranian model, Valeria Lukyanova, aka “The Human Barbie.”  If you’re sure you can or care to stomach more (at a far higher altitude of self harm and mental disorientation) check out Michael Idov’s piece for GQ.

 

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One Response to “FILE UNDER: Cosmetic Surgery Martyrdom”

  1. B & G says:

    Laughed out loud!

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