Next Stop: Citizen Suicide Bombs

12/17/2012 by J. Nelson

What were people in fundamentalist Islamic regions of the Middle East doing to each other just before they took up explosive vests? Were mass shootings the last stop before suicide bombings? Are ever-worsening mass shootings an evolutionary phenomenon of a disintegrating society? How long before irate Earth Firsters or right wing American zealots start blowing themselves up in crowded restaurants?

With regards to my Oregon shooting-related comments on homicidal infamy and the American Dream, posted the day before the incident in Connecticut, sick, dumb animals are out there right now paying close attention to the degree to which Adam Lanza’s killing spree has broken America’s heart – and wondering what it’ll take to top it.

“Shooter” Is Now a Job Description

12/13/2012 by J. Nelson

“I am the shooter!” Oregon mall gunman Jacob Tyler Roberts reportedly shouted as he opened fire. He did so as if he’d just reached the top level of an Xbox game. Roberts wasn’t playing a game, though: his actions were a Schizoid’s demand for attention. But Xbox or no, in his mind, he won.

I figure that at the rate America is crankin’ out these sick, dumb animals, it won’t be long before “Shooter” becomes even more aspirational. Of course, nobody aspires from childhood to kill themselves after spraying a Banana Republic with bullets, nor has any job application yet been written for a Highway Sniper. Yet Roberts wanted us to know he was in charge, if only briefly. Per his announcement, he’d achieved his “be all you can be” moment.

Welcome to the real Tomorrowland, where basic job application categories may soon collide horrifically with the mental distortion of dumbed down America. This is where “shooter” can substitute for “teacher,” “bus driver,” or “dentist,” because gaining notoriety — in this case for shooting up a food court — has essentially become a viable version of the American Dream. Read more

On Juden Pond, Revisted

12/08/2012 by J. Nelson

Back in March, I posted a story about a nothing pond in rural New Hampshire nicknamed “Jew Pond” after Jewish businessmen purchased it in 1920. It’s a smelly, man-made hole, really, but the nickname stuck despite the failure of the new owners to realize their vision of creating a vacation spot for previously verboten guests. This past September, the US Board of Geographic Names approved a vote by local residents to rename the pond after one of Mont Vernon’s founding families (more on the Carletons later).

My attempts to reach a town Selectman and a local journalist were met with unreturned messages. And the disembodied voices of suspicious old white ladies with whom I did speak hardened at the mere mention of Carleton Pond. This mosquito pit, you may know, received national and international attention throughout 2012, so it’s not surprising that certain residents (especially the geezers) are wary of being mocked again. As few would, they like don’t outsiders coming in –electronically or on ye ‘ol horseback– trying to change things.

But I didn’t want to close out the year without checking in on Mont Vernon to see how things went. And the answer is: just fine, as long as you don’t bring up that goddamned piss pool.

Shortly after the townspeople approved the name change and went off to make it official on government maps, Richard Masters, the town’s health officer, and local student filmmaker Kate Dobbs were honored by the New Hampshire Jewish Federation for their work in helping restore Mont Vernon’s dignity.

Eight months later, Rich Masters is still playing with local mold. Dobbs had been hired by the local newspaper but then “let go,” an old Colonial hag told me yesterday a little too cheerfully. May Dobbs have moved on to a higher purpose, to achieve great things for openminded people elsewhere to enjoy.