How Head Lice Saved My Christmas

When help arrived this far-gone family’s mental resources were DONE

HOLIDAYS ON LICE_Where Excuses Go to DieAnd when I say “done,” I mean that arguing and shrieking could be heard from the driveway. Anna, the specialist who’d soon be knocking on their front door, had been given detailed instructions and a description of the wits’ end she’d have to deal with. Slowing for the address, Anna pictured having to talk her way past a police perimeter or finding the family of seven tossing its furniture into a bonfire on the lawn. These were panicked people.

Not one of them knew which had been child zero, the one to bring the louse home. They only knew that dad couldn’t go to work; the kids had been removed from school; and no one had so much as put on a sock in four days. They all wore towels, the only cloth they believed wasn’t contaminated. Each was driving the others nuts with complaints and tantrums – let alone living the misconceptions of their predicament.

When the 14-year-old shaved parts of her head with the wailing martyrdom of St Ludmila of Bohemia, mom finally called a head lice removal service. Where she’d once been too proud to dial Hair Whisperers, Lice Lifters, The Lice Squad, and especially an outfit called Lice Schmice, at this point she’d been reduced to begging. Read more

No Happy New Year for Hollywood Arsonist

Harry “The Hollywood Arsonist” Burkhart was apprehended, but not before giving me a personal view of the lives affected by his über-tantrum.

Monday, January 2, 2012

At 2:30 a.m. on Monday, having been jolted from sleep by sirens aplenty, I saw for myself the fear, loss, and abrupt gratitude on the faces of an apartment building full of people watching their cars and property burn.

Living in Los Angeles, you get to know the difference between a burning hillside and 3000 lbs. of plastic car, so when I looked out our kitchen window and saw a huge column of thick tire smoke mushroom-clouding over the house, I knew two things: that the response by police and fire had been nearly instantaneous (bravo!) and that this unhinged piece of shit had made his way into our neighborhood.  Read more