From Beat-downs to Bear Hugs

October 8, 2011 by J. Nelson

My Journey from L.A. County Custody to Sheriff Lee Baca’s Wild World of Wheelin’ and Dealin’

In 2003 I was hired to write a teleplay for the 2^nd Annual California Gold Star Awards: Dedicated to Homeland Security – a Donald Sterling, black-tie, $25,000 per-table fundraiser for the Orange County Reserve Deputy Sheriff’s Association held at the Disneyland Hotel. L.A. County Sheriff Lee Baca was representing, and security for the luminary-laden event was, according to the official press release, listed as “war mode.”

Now for those of you somehow unfamiliar with the billionaire owner of the Los Angeles Clippers, the event’s principal underwriter, Donald Sterling, is one of Southern California’s largest real estate moguls. He’s also routinely accused of flagrant racism, not least of all by the U.S. Department of Justice for his attempts to exclude blacks, Latinos and prospective tenants with children from renting apartments in properties he owns. Even when it appears as though others are honoring him, words like “fake,” “ugly,” and “mirage” have been used to describe Sterling’s garish “philanthropy,” while he himself enjoys a widespread reputation for being miserly, sexist, and self-aggrandizing. (UPDATE: 8/6/14 Well, I guess there’s no question now what the world thinks of the man now, eh?) Read more

Why It’s Not “Too Soon” to Mock Amy Winehouse

July 26, 2011 by J. Nelson

1. Because it gets people talking about character, codependency and cowardice: By the end of this week everyone will be tired of talking about Amy Winehouse’s death. But until then, get ready for a week of Wino, because dead rock ‘n rollers are sexier than stalemates in Washington and Norwegian gunman. Besides, how can Wino not make us feel better about our own lives?

I’m sure making fun of Wino will piss off the moaners and crybabies something fierce. Good! That’ll get the discourse rolling. For every person who questions her legacy a dozen more defend it, citing the singer’s talent, style, rebelliousness, and online footage of her better performances. When all else fails, out comes the lack-of-compassion card. Read more

Ryan Dunn Agreed to All that Follows

June 21, 2011 by J. Nelson 12 Comments

When Jackass celebrity Ryan Dunn drove his Porsche at speeds above 132 mph, as a public figure he left himself and his actions open to the interpretations of others – millions of others: famous others, fringe others, and others in the news. Everybody. So while few are surprised that Dunn’s toxicology report confirms he was driving while
shit-faced, we should also take it as a given that celebrity man-children will throw their tantrums over comments made about Dunn’s accountability (or lack thereof). Read more

The Guilt-ploitation of Celebrity Self-criticism

April 26, 2011 by J. Nelson 2 Comments

**Lohan copies Garrison’s guilt trip, receives ovation for Tonight Show remorse**

Original Story: The Hollywood Reporter

Well, we could’a set our watches by this one, but who sets watches anymore?

For what’s being called a “surprise” appearance on the Tonight Show, Team Lohan scrambled and cat-clawed to get the troubled media figure on the air somewhere, anywhere, to prime the pump for a coming Lohan Turn-around. Read more