8-year-old Designated Driver = Epic Win

08/02/2011 by J. Nelson

What? It’s not like you have to pay ’em, right?

Source: KATC Lafayette News

If I had an eight-year-old son to use as a designated driver, whether for making it home before the wife does or for a balls-out run across state lines, I’d at least give the kid a fake mustache, a funny hat, or even an eyepatch to wear. If the police are gonna find me passed out drunk in the front seat with my child at the wheel, I’d sure rather get a wake-up jab from a cop trying not to laugh than by a trooper so angry he tazes me in the ear. I mean, I’d even try writing something like, “Proud Son of a Probation Dad” on the kid’s forehead. Anything’s better than letting a mug shot like this one do all the talking. Read more

Ryan Dunn Agreed to All that Follows

06/21/2011 by J. Nelson 12 Comments

When Jackass celebrity Ryan Dunn drove his Porsche at speeds above 132 mph, as a public figure he left himself and his actions open to the interpretations of others – millions of others: famous others, fringe others, and others in the news. Everybody. So while few are surprised that Dunn’s toxicology report confirms he was driving while
shit-faced, we should also take it as a given that celebrity man-children will throw their tantrums over comments made about Dunn’s accountability (or lack thereof). Read more

Confusing Idiocy with Accomplishment (and Privilege with Appeal)

04/09/2011 by J. Nelson 1 Comment

Everyday examples of fame-for-stupidity send the message that kids and teens needn’t worry about genuine achievement.

I know a mom who makes her four-year-old twins dance and sing along to PlayStation SingStar every day, seven days a week.
She coaches and stands guard until their session is over; no one is allowed to leave or engage in another activity.Her latest husband is even worse, prodding the twins to explain why Willow Smith is their hero. Just glimpsing these kids being paraded around in wigs and heels is about all my brain can process without punching someone. Read more