A Word to the Wide

We can fail repeatedly, but we aren’t failures until we blame someone else.

Source: Chicago Sun Times

By Martin Kessman’s own admission, the 290-pounder refuses to enter his favorite fast food feeder, White Castle, requiring his wife to retrieve his preferred meals for him. An embarrassed Kessman wouldn’t set foot in the restaurant after his repeated attempts to wrestle himself into booth-style seating succeeded only in entertaining and disturbing other diners. His wife’s visits, by the way, were for rounds of free burgers in response to a letter-writing campaign wherein Kessman complained that the restaurant’s booths were too small. Now, because it’s what fast food companies do, White Castle responded with free food coupons and, according to Kessman’s recently filed lawsuit, assurances that the seating would be up-sized.

Kessman told the New York Post that he “just wants to sit down like a normal person.” Claiming victimhood after banging his knee during one botched seating attempt, he cites the Americans with Disabilities Act to support his contention – while continuing to eat burgers made by the restaurant he’s blaming. By describing himself as an outcast (due to his wife’s trips to White Castle on his behalf) Kessman obviously believes he’s a victim merely invoking the protection of law. It’s up to the U.S. District Court in Manhattan to decide whether or not his rights have actually been violated, and if this is or isn’t vexatious litigation.

In the meantime, it’s up us to decide: Do we mock Kessman’s claim of victimhood, or do we agree that his refusal to enter the restaurant is tantamount to being “cast out?” Incidentally, if you do agree that White Castle’s negligence is the reason Kessman can’t “sit like a normal person,” you probably should stop reading this blog. If you’re still with me, you’ll concur that if Kessman went on a diet or even stopped stuffing that kitchen appliance he calls a mouth with so many double cheeseburgers, his girth would be somewhat reduced and his chances of fitting into a booth improved. Ah, but there are millions of Americans who’ve lost sight of personal responsibility and self-discipline, and Kessman is in good company.

For the record, I dislike that this thuds like a lecture, but better it come off like a lecture than a threat, ‘cause I could see myself slapping the burger right outta this fraudulent 64 year-old crybaby’s face. Would Kessman find it more or less embarrassing to show up to at an Overeaters Anonymous meeting? If it’s humiliating to sit among those who’ve admitted their weight has negatively affected them, how could fighting his asinine battle in public be less so? (Self-sabotage issues, there, Kessy?)

And don’t go jumping on me about depression, fat stereotypes, and metabolic conditions like hypothyroidism. These aren’t cheap shots meant for your sister; they’re meant for the finger-pointing schmuck who’d rather sue than try. This is about the justifications Kessman is trying to sell the public and the fact that he’s clogging up our judicial system as if it were his own arteries.

Where’s the common sense here? The man refuses to enter a restaurant because he’s embarrassed for problems directly relating to personal choice. Am I just being inflammatory? I think not. In whatever capacity young people approach Kessman’s wallowing waistline, the message he’s sending is mind-bendingly destructive and lazy. And there’s just no excuse for being so poor a role model.