Charlie Sheen: Oscar Host!

Academy bans ABC’s Sheen interview promo during Oscars ‘cause he’s one funny crackhead!


Original story: The Hollywood Reporter

The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences has über power over its Oscar broadcast and can veto any promos or ads it doesn’t like. Charlie Sheen jokes around just like a death row inmate. So the math here is simple: Hollywood’s most commanding officialdom secretly knows Sheen would have made a way better Oscar host than Anne Hathaway or James Franco (or their mothers – WTF?)

If the Academy is going to actively participate in hiding the dark side of fame, it can’t claim the high road anyway. So why not exploit the jittery ramblings of a hard-core crack addict in front of nearly one billion worldwide viewers? What’s the difference? It’d be less hypocritical and far more in-touch with young people than precious princess Anne or fade-into-the-background Franco. Besides, even fresh from smoking seven-gram chunks of cocaine Sheen’s faster with the comebacks and zingers then either of those pandering tools. What did they accomplish besides ruining an audience growth streak?

Watching “Tiger Blood” Sheen flail and twitch around the microphone like the Wizard of Oz scarecrow with those absolutely mad Charlie Sheen eyebrows would be all wrong and brilliant – certainly more entertaining than Hathaway’s saccharin cooing, gushing (and interrupting). Imagine the looks on those stodgy ‘ol Academy faces as Charlie-the-host started doing his impression of the “droopy-eyed armless children” he insists his own drug use makes Sinatra’s, Mick Jagger’s, and Keith Richard’s partying look like.

Forget high-handed talk of sobriety or scruples or the Academy’s unwillingness to acknowledge the elephant in the room of Charlie Sheen dying before all of our eyes. If the Academy is willing to embarrass the crap out of post-stroke Kirk Douglas, it should get this wide-eyed crackhead to sign a hosting contract while Charlie can still form zany, mostly intelligible sentences.

By the way, I can picture Anne Hathaway, especially, throwing a hissy fit over this morning’s post-mortem reviews. Sheen, on the other hand, would blow off any hint of failure, secure in the knowledge that he’s “a total frickin’ rock star from Mars.” And if any show could use a little rock n’roll ethos, isn’t it the Oscars?

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2 Responses to “Charlie Sheen: Oscar Host!”

  1. C-Robot says:

    Did you sense a previously-nonexistent ‘Jeff Goldblumness’…?
    Crap, he is pale. I think he is dying like you said, which is -uh, yeah – sad. But he still must conform to the suburban child-protection measure of a fence ’round the pool. Something about THAT is surreal.
    But, you see how nice he was to the coffee-gal? After having people kissing his hiney for as many years as he has been famous, he deserves to host the Oscars just for being that friendly to the help, imho. And I woulda watched it, whereas I skipped last night’s ceremony. So, I’m behind your call for him to host in 2012. “Tiger Blood” in 2012!

  2. C-Robot says:

    Your point about them “ruining an audience growth streak” is interesting because wasn’t his character on the show a person who was shady, partied, admitted to paid companionship, etc..? And that’s what the guy gets axed for? So, it is okay for prime-time, but not your off-time. Not that I would employ Sheen in my own business in hnis current state, but it IS interesting that the schlock they will sell to middle America can have so many of gutter elements in it as long as it appears “neutered” in some way by… what? The laugh track?

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